How to Feel Your Feelings
Allowing Yourself to Feel Fully May help you overcome the impact big feelings have on your life
Key Point
We all experience a range of core emotions, and by accepting and understanding them without labeling them as "good" or "bad," we can navigate them more effectively and reduce the negative impact of avoidance.
We all experience a range of core emotions like anger, sadness, fear, and joy. These emotions influence how we feel and react in various ways. Naturally, we strive to feel the "wanted" emotions—those that bring us happiness, relaxation, and love. On the other hand, we often try to avoid "unwanted" emotions like sadness, anger, and anxiety. When something feels "wrong," our natural tendency is to try to change it, fix it, or jump into problem-solving mode. This proactive stance can be highly beneficial in many areas of our lives, such as our jobs, where it allows us to excel. However, when it comes to our emotions or feelings, this approach might cause more problems to arise. Consider this: how can we "fix" anxiety? We might be able to address the cause of the anxiety, and some effort can be directed towards resolving it. But what do we do about the feeling of anxiety as we experience it?
Our tendency to label emotions as "good" or "bad" can lead us to resist and attempt to eliminate the "bad" ones. This can result in unhealthy coping mechanisms and a cycle where we get stuck in our emotions, judging them harshly, and trying to "fix" or banish them. However, it's important to recognize that we can't eliminate unwanted emotions. They are an inevitable part of life and will arise despite our efforts to avoid them. So, how can we relate to our emotions in a way that allows us to experience them without avoidance?
Here are some tips for embracing your emotions:
1. Don't Label Them as Good or Bad. Accept Your Emotions as They Are.
Labeling emotions as "good" or "bad" can lead to internal conflict and resistance. When we perceive certain emotions as undesirable, we often try to suppress or avoid them, which can increase the feeling. Accepting emotions without judgment allows us to experience them fully. A non-judgmental stance fosters emotional resilience and self-compassion, enabling us to navigate our feelings more effectively.
2. Welcome Them. Observe the Experience.
Welcoming emotions involves approaching them with curiosity rather than fear. By observing our emotions, we create a space between ourselves and our feelings, allowing us to understand them better. This mindset acknowledges the impermanence of emotions, reducing their power over us and helping us stay grounded during emotional upheavals.
3. Remember, This Too Shall Pass. Emotions and Feelings Are Temporary.
Emotions are like waves; they rise, peak, and eventually subside. Understanding that feelings are temporary helps us endure difficult moments with greater patience and less distress. When we remind ourselves that emotions are fleeting, we can better tolerate discomfort and avoid impulsive reactions that might arise from intense feelings. This awareness also encourages us to savor positive emotions, knowing they are precious and equally transient.
4. Feel It to Heal It. To Heal From Wounds and Issues, We Need to Feel and Process Our Emotions.
Suppressing or avoiding emotions can lead to unresolved issues and emotional blockages. To heal from emotional wounds, we must allow ourselves to fully experience and process our feelings. This involves acknowledging pain, sadness, anger, or any other emotion we might prefer to avoid. By facing these emotions head-on, we can work through them and find closure, leading to deeper emotional healing and growth.
5. Feelings Are Not Facts
Emotions can be compelling, but they are not always an accurate reflection of reality. Feelings are subjective experiences influenced by our thoughts, beliefs, and past experiences. Recognizing that emotions are not facts helps us question and reframe our emotional responses. This critical distance allows us to respond more thoughtfully rather than react impulsively, fostering a more balanced and rational approach to our emotional lives.
In embracing these emotional acceptance and mindful processing principles, we embark on a journey toward greater emotional well-being and resilience. By releasing the urge to judge, resist, or control our emotions, we open ourselves to a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world around us. As we cultivate compassion and curiosity towards our emotions, we also foster empathy and understanding towards others. In acknowledging the ebb and flow of emotions as an integral part of the human experience, we empower ourselves to navigate life's challenges with grace and authenticity, embracing the full spectrum of our emotions.
About the Author
Christopher Morrison is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Board-Certified Music Therapist. He is additionally trained in Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, EMDR and The Bonny Method of Guided Imagery & Music. He is the owner of Mind & Melody Therapy Services, working as a psychotherapist and music therapist for ages across the lifespan. He specializes in treating trauma, anxiety, depression, addiction, and grief.
