Anger is Primary, Not secondary
An “angry woman” is considered out of alignment, while a “weeping woman” is comforted
Key Point
Anger is a natural and powerful emotion that deserves recognition and validation on its own merit, rather than being dismissed as a "secondary" emotion, as doing so can lead to shame and hinder emotional healing
The Concept of Anger as a "Secondary Emotion"
It is often suggested in the mental health field that anger is a “secondary emotion.” This means anger tends to arise after a more difficult emotion, such as sadness or pain. One may argue that this happens for a variety of reasons, one being that anger requires less vulnerability and is often seen as more acceptable. In some cases, this serves to protect us from experiencing deep-rooted emotions. Yet, when taking the approach of anger being “second”, it can lead to dismissing or invalidating someone’s experience of anger. This dismissal can cause a person to feel shame for experiencing anger, leading them to question themselves or think that their anger is bad, that they are bad, or that they shouldn’t feel this anger. Shame is a strong emotion and should be prioritized in caring for our emotional selves.
The Impact of Dismissing Anger
The idea that anger simply serves as a “second” or defensive emotion can be confusing. Anger is an emotion in its own right and a powerful one at that. It harnesses significant energy and deserves the same attention as any other emotion. Rationalizing anger as “secondary” can be very invalidating, especially for those who have experienced trauma or abuse. It is natural for someone to feel angry toward their perpetrator or those who have hurt them in the past. It could even be considered healthy! Acknowledging and honoring this anger creates space for true healing to take place. It creates space to release any shame surrounding the present feelings an individual has regarding their past trauma. In such cases, anger makes sense and needs validation. Labeling it as “secondary” or suggesting it’s just masking sadness can lead the person to question their anger, thinking, “Maybe I shouldn’t feel angry,” or “Maybe it’s just sadness instead.”This example highlights the importance of acknowledging anger without justification, allowing the person to feel and release it healthily.
If there is sadness beneath the anger, that can be addressed, but dismissing the anger as “secondary” prevents it from being processed properly. Furthermore, societal pressures often discourage certain genders from expressing anger. Women, for instance, are more often allowed to cry, while anger is seen as less acceptable. An “angry woman” is considered out of alignment, while a “weeping woman” is comforted.
The Therapeutic Approach to Anger
In my work as a therapist, I often encourage clients to experience their anger during the session. I invite them to define it, give it shape, and characterize it in an effort to better understand their experience. This process can help them fully grasp how they respond to anger while doing so in the safe environment of therapy. Additionally, when a therapist validates and witnesses someone's anger, it can create an opportunity for that person to feel truly heard. Like all unpleasant emotions (e.g., sadness, anxiety), anger needs acknowledgment and validation before it can be worked through, let go, or released. Therapy provides a judgment-free space to allow this to happen. Immediately dismissing or repressing emotions like anger typically does not produce positive results.
Anger as a Source of Energy and Healing
With most unpleasant emotions, there is often an element of shame that accompanies the experience. You might hear or say things like, “I shouldn’t be feeling this way,” or “I just need to stop feeling this way.” This can lead to internal narratives such as, “…Because I feel this way, something is wrong with me.” It's important to remember that we don’t choose to feel a certain way—our minds, bodies, and souls respond to situations for reasons we may not fully understand, shaped by factors like our past, personality, or childhood. When anger arises, we can honor its presence by being curious about it, treating it with respect, and seeing it as a message or guide, offering important insights. Anger is not "bad" or something to be suppressed—it’s natural, valid, and necessary.
While anger can appear alongside other emotions like sadness or fear, it deserves an equal amount of our energy and attention. Please understand that what we do with our anger is important. Anger can be destructive and harmful if not properly managed. But, when used appropriately, the energy anger provides can lead to positive outcomes. For example, releasing anger through exercise is a healthy way to care for both our emotional and physical health. It's time to stop viewing anger as "bad" or "dangerous." Treating anger as secondary does not honor its true presence and can invalidate the feelings of those who are angry. It is important to consider how ignoring or invalidating anger may lead to shame. All emotions deserve equal attention—and anger is no exception.
Questions to consider:
How do societal norms and expectations influence your perception of anger, and do you feel pressured to suppress or justify it?
In what ways can acknowledging and expressing your anger lead to personal healing and empowerment?
How might reframing anger as a valid and primary emotion change the way you respond to difficult feelings in your life?
About the Author
Christopher Morrison is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Board-Certified Music Therapist. He is additionally trained in Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, EMDR and The Bonny Method of Guided Imagery & Music. He is the owner of Mind & Melody Therapy Services, working as a psychotherapist and music therapist for ages across the lifespan. He specializes in treating trauma, anxiety, depression, addiction, and grief.
